I want to share God’s faithfulness to Kaori and me and my children, especially over the last 3 months.
God graciously extended Kaori’s life for over a year. Back
in December 2022, the cancer was so extensive that the oncologist literally
said, “It is do or die time.” If the chemotherapy treatments were not going to
work, then he gave Kaori only weeks to live. Her cancer markers (CEA) went to a
high of over 26,000. For reference, CEA levels of 400-500 indicate advanced
tumor staging and is greatly associated with mortality. In other words, her
cancer markers were over 50x the amount of an advanced cancer. Looking at the numbers the situation felt
hopeless.
But God graciously extended her life. Her cancer markers (CEA)
went from over 26,000 and to a low of 589 in May. While the chemotherapy was working
to kill the active cancer, it was physically hard on Kaori. Several times we
had to go to the emergency room, and she had to be taken off chemotherapy so
that her body could recover. But in September, the tumor markers started to
climb back up and rather quickly. The cancer was starting to outsmart the
chemotherapy. Through all the ups and
mostly downs of the treatments and doctor visits, including the updated shortened
timelines given to us by the oncologist, I never once heard her complain. She
tried to make the most of and best use of the time that God was giving to her.
And I believe that God gave her the strength to maintain that attitude and
perspective.
Kaori always had a special place in her heart for Japan. It
was her dream to visit Japan again and to see her grandmother, her extended family
and for all those who have been diligently praying for us. But her dream seemed
more like a fantasy as there were 2 major hurdles: continued treatments and
lockdowns. Even if she could be off treatments for a time, with covid, things
were locked down. In trying to determine if a trip to Japan was even feasible,
we investigated the use of the visa for visiting friends and family. But we soon
found out that since Kaori was born in Japan, this was not an option. It seemed
like visiting Japan was an impossibility, that this was a closed door.
But on October 11th, 2022, Japan fully opened. With
the doctor’s approval and plan, Kaori booked her flights and flew out November
3rd. One of my uncles graciously offered to pay for her to go
business class. She was so much more comfortable, and the flight attendants
even took special care of her. This was such an unexpected blessing. In
addition to her going, she was able to go with our youngest son, Daniel, her
mom and dad, her two sisters, and one of her nephews. She had a wonderful time.
She loved the food and shopping, but even more, the time she had with everyone.
It was meaningful for her and was especially meaningful for our youngest son to
spend time and make memories with her. God over came the seemingly impossible situation
to give her and my son this gift.
On Friday, November 18th, she flew back to Dallas,
and all seemed well. She was scheduled to have chemotherapy 3 days later on Monday.
When they did the blood work for her, her tumor markers and bilirubin shot up.
The rise in the bilirubin indicated that the cancer was overtaking her liver
and that the liver could not do its job in detoxifying the blood. The nurse
told her to go to the emergency room immediately so that she could be admitted as
soon as possible. While she was in the hospital, her bilirubin continued to
rise. For the first couple of days, she was mostly sleeping and non-responsive.
It was extremely dire.
But by Wednesday the 23rd, she got out of bed.
While she was hallucinating at times from the toxins building up in her body, she
was responsive and cognizant. On the 24th, Thanksgiving morning, the
oncologist informed us that due to the extremely high level of bilirubin,
chemotherapy was not an option, and the recommendation was for her to go to
hospice. Our hearts broke at the news.
On hearing this, Kaori wanted to leave that day. She wanted
to spend Thanksgiving dinner with the children. But the recommendation from the
attending physician was to wait to sign up for hospice before Kaori was
discharged. If her health declined to the point of an emergency, we would have
to go through the emergency room process again and must wait for a bed to be
opened to be admitted. The doctor did not want to see this happen to us. I
agreed with the doctor. Kaori did not.
The hospital personnel for finding a hospice for Kaori came
into the room. She asked where we lived and listed several hospice facilities
near us. Not having any idea on how to choose a hospice, I wanted to go with
the closest one. It was Faith Presbyterian Hospice. I did a quick search on
Google Maps and found out it was right next door to Kaori’s former workplace.
We would drive by it and wonder what it was as it looked so nice and beautiful
from the outside. I took it as a sign and had the hospital personnel reach out
to them. I didn’t think, even the attending physician did not think that anyone
would come out on Thanksgiving Day to sign us up. But by God’s grace and
someone’s kindness, a representative came out and we were signed up. That late
afternoon we were discharged from the hospital and Kaori was able to spend
Thanksgiving dinner with the kids and all the family. God again overcame the impossible
for us. He made a way when we could see no way.
Over the next week, Kaori’s health improved drastically. She
was awake more often, taking visitors and speaking with them. She even felt so
good that she scheduled a blood test with the oncologist to see if she could go
back on chemotherapy. Her last visitor at home while she was still responsive
was with Pastor Arnold. He was the pastor who married us, who eventually did
the funeral service for her, and that night administered her last communion.
I’m so glad that he was sensitive to the Spirit’s leading to come when he did
and to serve her the Lord’s Supper. After that evening, Friday, December 2nd,
she took a turn for the worse.
Those next couple of days were extremely difficult for
everyone. She fought so hard to stay with us. She gave everything she had, just
to eat and drink a little. After eating and taking her medication, she would
immediately go back to resting. The hospice nurse came early Monday morning and
stated that she could be admitted to inpatient hospice at any time. After
speaking with the children that evening, I decided it was best for her to be
moved to hospice. The next morning, we called the nurse to make the
arrangements for her. It was the right decision as Kaori was no longer able to
take anything by mouth that day, including her pain and nausea medications.
Once she arrived at hospice, they were able to access her port and control her
pain. Her countenance and breathing improved drastically.
Before Kaori moved to inpatient hospice and while she was
still cognizant, together she and I discussed what would be the most ideal
process. We agreed that it would be best if she stayed at home for as long as
possible and that she would pass at the hospice, not at home for the kids’
sake. We knew that the circumstances were out of our control, but this was our
hope and prayer. God again answered our prayers.
At hospice, she was able to have many friends and visitors
in person and online. Though she was unable to speak and was unresponsive, I believe
that she was listening to all the conversations with her. At times I could see
that she was physically stirred by what was being said to her. As you shared
your words and stories with her, it helped me to process my own feelings of
loss and grief. That morning on December 8th, I was able to share
with her what she meant to me, the good times we had together, things I will
miss about her and promises I made to her going forward. Two hours later, Kaori
passed with me, her sister and her mom beside her, and her dad singing her into
the presence of Christ. I felt that it was fitting that it was just her family
who was with her in her final moments here on earth.
For me, my dad arrived 15 minutes later and my sister who
was driving up from Houston arrived 30 minutes after my dad. While my dad and
sister were not there at Kaori’s passing, they were there for me. Looking back,
I can see God’s perfect timing. He had each person in the right place and at
the right time. From my perspective, the timeline could not have worked out any
better.
When we were given the recommendation that Kaori was to go on hospice, we ask God to extend her life to get past the holidays. It would be better for the children, right? As you know, He didn’t give us the answer we were hoping for. I believe He denied our request because He had to give us something better than what we could understand at the time.
If Kaori had passed sometime in the new year, the kids and I
would have only had a weekend or at most a week with the help of family, mostly to be used for making the funeral arrangements. But
instead, God gave us almost a whole month with family being present with us. There
was at least one additional family member, grandparent, aunt, uncle and/or cousin with the kids from December 2nd to January 1st. It
was a huge support for us. Since the funeral was on the 17th and the
winter break for the kids started on the 19th, we had family stay
with us throughout the holidays. It was such a blessing to have all the aunts,
uncles and cousins in the home. While at times our hearts were grieved with
sorrow and loss, my home was also filled with the joy and laughter of family. Kaori
wouldn’t want it any other way and God gave this to me and my children.
This past year, especially these past three months, has been
an extremely difficult journey. But through it all I can see God’s faithfulness,
kindness and perfect timing. I can also see His care and love as many of you
have been His hands reaching out and supporting us.
Mike
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