Retrospective of the Last 3 Months: God’s Faithfulness

I want to share God’s faithfulness to Kaori and me and my children, especially over the last 3 months.

God graciously extended Kaori’s life for over a year. Back in December 2022, the cancer was so extensive that the oncologist literally said, “It is do or die time.” If the chemotherapy treatments were not going to work, then he gave Kaori only weeks to live. Her cancer markers (CEA) went to a high of over 26,000. For reference, CEA levels of 400-500 indicate advanced tumor staging and is greatly associated with mortality. In other words, her cancer markers were over 50x the amount of an advanced cancer.  Looking at the numbers the situation felt hopeless.

But God graciously extended her life. Her cancer markers (CEA) went from over 26,000 and to a low of 589 in May. While the chemotherapy was working to kill the active cancer, it was physically hard on Kaori. Several times we had to go to the emergency room, and she had to be taken off chemotherapy so that her body could recover. But in September, the tumor markers started to climb back up and rather quickly. The cancer was starting to outsmart the chemotherapy.  Through all the ups and mostly downs of the treatments and doctor visits, including the updated shortened timelines given to us by the oncologist, I never once heard her complain. She tried to make the most of and best use of the time that God was giving to her. And I believe that God gave her the strength to maintain that attitude and perspective.  

Kaori always had a special place in her heart for Japan. It was her dream to visit Japan again and to see her grandmother, her extended family and for all those who have been diligently praying for us. But her dream seemed more like a fantasy as there were 2 major hurdles: continued treatments and lockdowns. Even if she could be off treatments for a time, with covid, things were locked down. In trying to determine if a trip to Japan was even feasible, we investigated the use of the visa for visiting friends and family. But we soon found out that since Kaori was born in Japan, this was not an option. It seemed like visiting Japan was an impossibility, that this was a closed door.

But on October 11^th, 2022, Japan fully opened. With the doctor’s approval and plan, Kaori booked her flights and flew out November 3^rd. One of my uncles graciously offered to pay for her to go business class. She was so much more comfortable, and the flight attendants even took special care of her. This was such an unexpected blessing. In addition to her going, she was able to go with our youngest son, Daniel, her mom and dad, her two sisters, and one of her nephews. She had a wonderful time. She loved the food and shopping, but even more, the time she had with everyone. It was meaningful for her and was especially meaningful for our youngest son to spend time and make memories with her. God over came the seemingly impossible situation to give her and my son this gift.

On Friday, November 18^th, she flew back to Dallas, and all seemed well. She was scheduled to have chemotherapy 3 days later on Monday. When they did the blood work for her, her tumor markers and bilirubin shot up. The rise in the bilirubin indicated that the cancer was overtaking her liver and that the liver could not do its job in detoxifying the blood. The nurse told her to go to the emergency room immediately so that she could be admitted as soon as possible. While she was in the hospital, her bilirubin continued to rise. For the first couple of days, she was mostly sleeping and non-responsive. It was extremely dire.

But by Wednesday the 23^rd, she got out of bed. While she was hallucinating at times from the toxins building up in her body, she was responsive and cognizant. On the 24^th, Thanksgiving morning, the oncologist informed us that due to the extremely high level of bilirubin, chemotherapy was not an option, and the recommendation was for her to go to hospice. Our hearts broke at the news.

On hearing this, Kaori wanted to leave that day. She wanted to spend Thanksgiving dinner with the children. But the recommendation from the attending physician was to wait to sign up for hospice before Kaori was discharged. If her health declined to the point of an emergency, we would have to go through the emergency room process again and must wait for a bed to be opened to be admitted. The doctor did not want to see this happen to us. I agreed with the doctor. Kaori did not.  

The hospital personnel for finding a hospice for Kaori came into the room. She asked where we lived and listed several hospice facilities near us. Not having any idea on how to choose a hospice, I wanted to go with the closest one. It was Faith Presbyterian Hospice. I did a quick search on Google Maps and found out it was right next door to Kaori’s former workplace. We would drive by it and wonder what it was as it looked so nice and beautiful from the outside. I took it as a sign and had the hospital personnel reach out to them. I didn’t think, even the attending physician did not think that anyone would come out on Thanksgiving Day to sign us up. But by God’s grace and someone’s kindness, a representative came out and we were signed up. That late afternoon we were discharged from the hospital and Kaori was able to spend Thanksgiving dinner with the kids and all the family. God again overcame the impossible for us. He made a way when we could see no way.

Over the next week, Kaori’s health improved drastically. She was awake more often, taking visitors and speaking with them. She even felt so good that she scheduled a blood test with the oncologist to see if she could go back on chemotherapy. Her last visitor at home while she was still responsive was with Pastor Arnold. He was the pastor who married us, who eventually did the funeral service for her, and that night administered her last communion. I’m so glad that he was sensitive to the Spirit’s leading to come when he did and to serve her the Lord’s Supper. After that evening, Friday, December 2^nd, she took a turn for the worse.

Those next couple of days were extremely difficult for everyone. She fought so hard to stay with us. She gave everything she had, just to eat and drink a little. After eating and taking her medication, she would immediately go back to resting. The hospice nurse came early Monday morning and stated that she could be admitted to inpatient hospice at any time. After speaking with the children that evening, I decided it was best for her to be moved to hospice. The next morning, we called the nurse to make the arrangements for her. It was the right decision as Kaori was no longer able to take anything by mouth that day, including her pain and nausea medications. Once she arrived at hospice, they were able to access her port and control her pain. Her countenance and breathing improved drastically.

Before Kaori moved to inpatient hospice and while she was still cognizant, together she and I discussed what would be the most ideal process. We agreed that it would be best if she stayed at home for as long as possible and that she would pass at the hospice, not at home for the kids’ sake. We knew that the circumstances were out of our control, but this was our hope and prayer. God again answered our prayers.    

At hospice, she was able to have many friends and visitors in person and online. Though she was unable to speak and was unresponsive, I believe that she was listening to all the conversations with her. At times I could see that she was physically stirred by what was being said to her. As you shared your words and stories with her, it helped me to process my own feelings of loss and grief. That morning on December 8^th, I was able to share with her what she meant to me, the good times we had together, things I will miss about her and promises I made to her going forward. Two hours later, Kaori passed with me, her sister and her mom beside her, and her dad singing her into the presence of Christ. I felt that it was fitting that it was just her family who was with her in her final moments here on earth.  

For me, my dad arrived 15 minutes later and my sister who was driving up from Houston arrived 30 minutes after my dad. While my dad and sister were not there at Kaori’s passing, they were there for me. Looking back, I can see God’s perfect timing. He had each person in the right place and at the right time. From my perspective, the timeline could not have worked out any better. 

When we were given the recommendation that Kaori was to go on hospice, we ask God to extend her life to get past the holidays. It would be better for the children, right? As you know, He didn’t give us the answer we were hoping for. I believe He denied our request because He had to give us something better than what we could understand at the time.

If Kaori had passed sometime in the new year, the kids and I would have only had a weekend or at most a week with the help of family, mostly to be used for making the funeral arrangements. But instead, God gave us almost a whole month with family being present with us. There was at least one additional family member, grandparent, aunt, uncle and/or cousin with the kids from December 2^nd to January 1^st. It was a huge support for us. Since the funeral was on the 17^th and the winter break for the kids started on the 19^th, we had family stay with us throughout the holidays. It was such a blessing to have all the aunts, uncles and cousins in the home. While at times our hearts were grieved with sorrow and loss, my home was also filled with the joy and laughter of family. Kaori wouldn’t want it any other way and God gave this to me and my children.

This past year, especially these past three months, has been an extremely difficult journey. But through it all I can see God’s faithfulness, kindness and perfect timing. I can also see His care and love as many of you have been His hands reaching out and supporting us.

Mike

Celebration of Kaori's life: Slideshow, Service and Eulogies

Thank you for all that you've done for our family. Your support and help, encouraging cards, beautiful flowers, yummy meals, generous gifts, thoughts and prayers, and presence whether near or far have meant so much to us. Thank you again for your thoughtfulness, kindness and generosity. We are so blessed to have you as friends and family. 

-Mike and Family

Below are the links to the slideshow and celebration service of Kaori's life. 

Slideshow: https://youtu.be/GtLwjpnAZ7U

Service: https://youtu.be/H-geMh3_xFw

Hannah's Eulogy:

I will be sharing with you each of our favorite memories of our mother.

Daniel says this about mom. My mom was kind, calm and peaceful. She was like an Ipad because she had lots of answers for all my questions. I’m sad that my mom is gone. But I have hope my mom is having a good time in heaven. I’ll miss her and the fun times that she had with me. I’ll miss her kindness and the way she would brighten things up when things got hard. I’ll miss her generosity and the ways she thought of special things for us to do. I miss the way my mom loved me.

Nathan says this about mom. My mom was loving, helpful, generous, kind and thoughtful. She was like a gift to me because she was something that I’m not supposed to get or deserve to get. I remember when she was on chemotherapy and no one was around she would be outside on the patio to rest. When I got home from school, I wanted to see and be with her. I would walk out and sit down next to her and we would spend 30 to 40 minutes talking about my day. Even though I knew she didn’t have lots of energy, she freely gave it to me. She always made time for me. She made me feel loved and I miss her. - Nathan     

What I remember most about my mother was that she was an extraordinary person, mom and role model. She was kind, loving, fun to be with, supportive, and could keep a secret. She would always keep a secret from my dad and I knew that I could trust her with anything. She was always there with her big smile awaiting the next game or conversation. If she was an object, she would be a chest to me, because I could keep anything in there, and there would always be something inside for me.

I would tell her all of my bad grades in school like when I got a 70, I would tell her because I knew that my dad was going to annihilate me, and she would comfort me and talk me through it and make me feel better. My mom was also fun to be around. I recall a time when we were playing in the pool, the entire family. Me Dad, Nathan, Daniel, and Mom. Dad then was like, “Let’s play freeze tag!” and we all agreed and mom was “The Freezer” because she was so swift in the water. We had plastic floaties and used them to block her as she was swimming toward us at full speed. My dad was screaming and yelling like crazy, and we were all far, far away trying to avoid her. This is one of my favorite memories with her. She taught me the importance of not complaining but instead showing a smile, and she taught me the importance of being a person who can hold secrets.

We had so many fun smiles and laughs with her. My mom was always there for us, there for secrets, there for comforting, there for smiles, there for joy, and there for everything. Even though I have only known her for 14 years of my life I could already tell that she was the kindest person, an extraordinary role model, and the most incredible mom. My mother, Kaori Tong, was the best mom that I could ask for.

Naoko Fu's Eulogy:

My sister Kaori was always generous with her time, laughter, and money. After she got her first job in Dallas, Kaori paid for all of us to go to Disney World. It is one of our fondest memories, eating our way around Epcot Center, hearing our mother scream on Space Mountain, and poking fun at my brother who kept talking in his sleep.

Kaori never got mad or raised her voice. She was a responsible and reliable older sister to me, and a second mother to my younger brother and sister. I was the opposite, but my rebellious and loud nature didn’t faze her. Kaori was my confidant. I once called her, sobbing, when an ex-boyfriend had broken my heart. She sat and listened in the parking garage at Nortel for an hour and ended up being late to work. 

In fact, our family only remembers Kaori getting truly angry exactly once:

About 40 years ago, we lived in Germany. I was 4 and Kaori was 7. And we had just gotten one of her most favorite things in the world: German chocolate. As I usually did with all good things, I ate my chocolate right away. But Kaori had self control. And so, she went and hid her chocolate to enjoy another day. I knew she had hidden them so I did what I do best. Find treasures. And that treasure had been hidden in a drawer behind some books. As I enjoyed my second helping of German chocolates, Kaori walked in on me and caught me: red-handed and brown-faced. And then… she erupted. “HOW DARE YOU! I HATE YOU! YOU ARE NOT MY SISTER!”

I know what you’re thinking. Are German chocolates that good? The answer is yes. Yes, they are.

Mike, when Kaori met you, she found a loving companion, and her best friend. She never complained about you, not even once. Her love and protection for you was fierce. We are so happy she found an amazing husband in you. 

To Hannah, Nathan, and Daniel. It was Kaori’s deepest desire to be a mother. You brought her so much joy and she was proud to be your mom. The only time Kaori teared up when she got sick was when she talked about the three of you. She endured the pain and fought hard every day to have more time with you.

Someone once asked, “If you don’t like what’s in God’s hands, will you trust what’s in His heart?” Kaori didn’t like having cancer. And while she never complained about it, I know she hated the side effects of the disease and treatment. But she trusted what was in God’s heart and clung to His love for her. That’s why she was able to keep smiling. That’s why her blog is filled with phrases like “Woohoo!” and “Thank You.” Her response in the midst of a life threatening disease was thanksgiving. She believed God had her best in mind, even if she couldn’t understand it in that moment. 

Some people may look at this past year of her life and call it a tragedy. But I look at this past year and see it as a gift. I am so glad she had this year to be reminded of how many lives she has touched. She had people from all around the world – from Texas to California, Japan to Germany, and Niger to China – sending her messages, meals, gifts and prayers. So many of you here along with those watching. You filled her year with overwhelming love and support and showed her how cherished she is. Thank you. Thank you for making this past year a priceless gift to her.

Her family and I are grateful. For the time the chemotherapy bought us, for how this trial brought us closer together and built bridges between our families, for the unforgettable trip we got to take to Japan, for each of you and how you blessed Kaori with your love; and for the reminder that while this world will have trouble, Jesus has overcome death. Kaori showed us what that victory, trust and faith looks like and we couldn’t be prouder.

To Kaori. It’s been a joy and an honor to have walked with you. To call you my sister. All the treasures you receive in heaven, be sure to hide them well.

Yoshiko Kamisaka's Eulogy:

I would like to briefly speak about one of the many blessings God has given me through Kaori.

Kaori was my very first granddaughter.

In Japan, we have a saying, “A child so precious, it doesn’t even hurt to place them in your eye.”  For me, Kaori was the cutest, most loveable child. 

I believe the song, “Jesus Loves Me” was Kaori’s very first hymn.  Whenever I hear this song, I am reminded of Kaori.  She was well loved and grew up in Japan until the age of 3.

I always looked forward to seeing her again.

Afterwards, she traveled with her family to the U.S., Germany, and finally Texas for her father’s work, and Kaori has spent the rest of her days here.

Because of that, I was not able to see her as often, but when she visited Japan, I was given the opportunity to see her and enjoy her grow up more each time.

I was also blessed with Naoko and Maki, her younger sister, and her younger brother, Kazuki.  By the time she was in middle school or a high schooler, Kaori told me this.  “I need to help look after Maki and Kazuki with their school to help mom and dad.”  That day, I saw how Kaori was very aware of her circumstances, and she was able to handle that firmly and with a kind heart.

Kaori was also so good to me.  She invited me to travel with her many times.  After she began working a full-time job, she took my daughter, Chiaki, and I to Canada, a place where I really wanted to visit.  After she was married, she again invited me to come to Canada with her along with her husband, Mike, and Hannah who was only 2 at the time.  It was a wonderful vacation with many fond memories. 

In 2020, the Coronavirus Pandemic began, and as the pandemic continued, last year, I heard the news that Kaori was diagnosed with liver cancer.  Since that day, I prayed for God to heal Kaori daily. 

And God heard and answered my and Kaori’s desire to see each other again, and she was able to come to Japan.  Everyone thought it was wishful thinking for her to make the trip, but Japan’s Coronavirus travel restrictions began to slowly relax, and now, the only obstacle preventing her from coming was her health. It was Kaori’s dream to visit Japan, so my daughter and granddaughters decided to pray that God would prepare the way for her to be able to make the trip.  God protected Kaori on her journey as she arrived in Japan.

Having her dream come true, Kaori told me that she wanted to treasure each day that God gave her in Japan.  She had such a beautiful smile, and she seemed to be really enjoying her trip.  Each visitor that came to see Kaori told me that they left with more joy and encouragement after seeing her. 

Whenever I told Kaori about this, she said, “It’s all because Jesus lives inside of me.”  She also said, “It was God’s gift for me to see you again, grandma.”

It was also God’s gift to me to be able to spend those days with Kaori.

God granted Kaori the strength and means to make the Japan trip a reality, blessed and protected her during her stay, and again, protected her on her journey back to Texas, and gave her precious and wonderful time to spend with her family.

Through all of this, I was able to learn of the love of God, the Creator who held all things in his hands, and sent his son, Jesus Christ, to die for our sins.

I lift my praises to the Lord who has granted these miracles each and every day.